When the Body Says No

An unexpected seizure, six months off the road, and a story I didn’t expect to write.

Last week, something unexpected happened to me. Something that came out of nowhere and disrupted the very full, very busy, and very demanding life that I lead.

I had a full tonic clonic seizure.

One moment I was in the middle of my everyday rhythm, working full time, managing my home, being a mum to 5 teenage and young adult children, juggling responsibilities, tasks and duties as normal, and the next, everything stopped. No warning. No lead-up. Just a sudden collapse, followed by a strange new world of hospital visits, tests, and unanswered questions.

For the next six months, I’m not allowed to drive.

Let me say that again: I can’t drive. I live in a small rural town. I work full time and my family of origin all live a minimum 3 hour drive from me. That small sentence has huge consequences for me. It changes everything, how I get to work, how I pick up groceries, how I get to health appointments, how I support my children’s needs, and how I find time for myself.

People have said things like, “This happened for a reason,” or, “Your body is trying to tell you something.” And while part of me nods politely, another part feels impatient, even a little cross. Not in an angry way, more in a frustrated, ‘Oh come on, not this too’ kind of way.

I don’t like being slowed down. I don’t like asking for help. I don’t like needing things. I don’t have time to be ill!

But here I am, dependent, grounded and temporarily paused.

Maybe that’s the point. Maybe this is about learning to accept help, about surrendering control, about asking for favours without guilt. Maybe it’s about slowing down not because I want to, but because I have no choice. Maybe, though I can barely admit this, on some level, I needed this interruption.

There’s another layer too, one that’s harder to say out loud but sits quietly in the back of my mind: Is this somehow related to the vaccine and two boosters I took back in 2021, back when I still trusted the establishment? I don’t know. I’m not jumping to conclusions, but I can’t not ask the question. Not after the last few years. Not after everything so many of us have had to unlearn and re-examine. It lingers, unanswered.

Still, I know this moment is also giving me an invitation. To pay attention,

to listen and maybe to notice what I’ve been pushing aside. And I suppose, to write. That’s the silver lining, perhaps. More time to think, to reflect, to finally shape the essays I’ve been carrying in my head for months.

So readers, bear with me. I may need to air a few things here, to make sense of it all in writing. I hope you don’t mind.

This isn’t the post I expected to write this week. But it’s the one life gave me.